True story!!!

Please keep reading till the end. I didn't make any of this up!

About 6 months ago my pastor told a story of a woman that he knew. She had grown up in a very run down house with an alcoholic father. Her childhood was poor, awful and very lonely. She felt like her whole life she was a mistake and there was nothing good in it. Later in Jr High she was befriended by some girls in her school who let her stay at their house on the weekends and took her to church with them. There she was loved unconditionally. She gave her life to Jesus and although the circumstances that she lived in didn't change, her heart and mind did. She determined to do well in school, received a scholarship and went to college. There she met her husband and proceeded to have a life rich in love and faith. With Jesus she battled cancer and lived. Despite being well off, and cherished by her husband and kids, there were still moments that she still felt like that poor and ragged little girl on the inside. She felt like the house she had grown up in, peeling paint, broken windows. How could her husband love her? How could her children, God, anyone?
Her sister encouraged her to go back and visit the house they had grown up in. Her sister said it had been remodeled and looked nothing like it used to.
She didn't really believe her and didn't want to.......but she went and looked. It was so changed! It was completely remodeled. It was beautiful! She looked at that house and she knew that what had been done to that house was like what God had done for her life. She was a completely changed person and when others looked at her they didn't see the sad and run-down poor girl who lived in the shack, but a beautiful person inside and out!

I heard that story and it moved me. In my head popped two paintings. I had them stuck in my head for a few months before I finally told my pastor about them. He listened and encouraged me to paint them. Well,um, life happened. You know, new baby, dirty diapers, laundry etc. About a month ago, my pastor came up and said,
"Leigh did you ever do those paintings you had talked about?......"
Hem and Haw"Well... no."
"....because she is coming! She's coming here to speak and I think you should really do them!"
"Wow, ok, I guess I will."
Then life happened again. You know, 6 mo old baby, 3 yr old, dirty diapers, laundry making dinner etc.
Two weeks before she was sceduled to come I finally bit the bullet and started painting. It went super quick until I start on her adult face. Keep in mind I had never seen her. I knew nothing about her appearance except that she was female. I think I painted her face 5 times and no matter what I did to it, it just kept looking the same. You can ask my husband, I was frustrated. I wanted her to look generic. I wanted her to look like she could be any one of us.....but she kept looking specific. Wide set eyes, strong bone structure and chin, high forehead. So, I finally gave up and left it.
Sunday morning dawned bright and early and I was nervous. They were going to display my paintings on stage and on the big screens while she spoke. I hope she wouldn't feel intimidated by having these paintings by a stranger and about her life, literally surrounding her. I hope they didn't look completely different than her. I mean she could be short, blond and chubby for all I knew. I even said out loud in the car, "Honey, it doesn't matter if they look like her. It's the message that matters." But really inside, I thought, well couldn't she at least have brown hair? Please God?
So, when it finally happened and she finally walked up on that stage I melted. My insides literally went soft and I started to cry. It looked like her! The hair color and style, the features. It all looked like her! And when I went up to her later and looked in her face it was the face in my head that I tried so hard to change! I just couldn't stop crying. I hugged her and she spoke to me. I told her, "God loves you!" and she told me, "Well God loves you!"
It was a miracle plain and simple. God wanted me to do those paintings for her. She is not a mistake and she is very loved. He wanted me to do those paintings for me. I am loved, He is real and He can use me even in my ordinary life of babies, laundry and doing the dishes. And oh how I will do my normal, ordinary tasks with joy and passion! Because I know that I am loved and usuable right where I am. And when God had something else in mind for me, then I know he will let me know!

Verses on the paintings:
Isaiah 41:17
The poor and needy search for water,
but there is none;
their tongues are parched with thirst.
But I the LORD will answer them;
I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.
Isaiah 41:18, 20
I will make rivers flow on barren heights,
and springs within the valleys.
I will turn the desert into pools of water,
and the parched ground into springs....
...so that people may see and know,
may consider and understand,
that the hand of the LORD has done this,
that the Holy One of Israel has created it.

His eye is on the sparrow

So have you ever had someone say something to you that really hurt and stayed with you for years? Something you just couldn't get rid of.....like a thorn or a bruised spot that every once in a while you pushed on to see if it was still sore? I was still living in Chicago at the time and I had a friend say something hurtful through email 3yrs and 10 months ago. Yep, I know the exact time.....and it still bothers me. He said I wasn't a Christian and even went so far as to call me a "daughter of Satan". I won't go into too many details except to say that we stopped emailing. My husband even asked me to stop b/c it upset me so much. It didn't seem like anything I said mattered anyway. He had his agenda and would not be deterred. Of course he hadn't seen me in years and he had no way of knowing what was in my heart. I prayed and prayed about and it didn't seem like the hurt or anger towards him would go away. I mean, how dare he! It felt like God just didn't hear me on this matter. In fact, if I admitted to it, I felt mad at God too about the whole thing. That sounds silly but it's true. I've had two babies and moved twice since then, but it still bothers me.

The last few months or so my next door neighbor and I have been walking partners. She's really a neat lady and I always enjoy talking with her. We were talking about her old job one day and through the course of the conversation I find out she knows my friend that I am talking about in the above paragraph. Not only does she know him but her best friend of many years is his wife. Oh my goodness!! I moved next door to their best friend! She looked at me strangely like somehow I set this whole thing up. Nooo! Oh no. Suffice it to say, that this has got to be a God thing. I mean, it's too weird. I laid in bed that night and couldn't sleep for thinking about it. God heard me! God knows how that hurt and he didn't just ignore it. I thought I would never have contact again with my old friend and that I would just have to get over it.......but I guess it isn't over. Out of all the places in town, we would move here.......circumstance? I don't think so. It feels so strange when things like this happen b/c you realize that God sees you. Then you look at other things in your life and realize he sees those too.....and on one hand it holds you in awe and makes you feel loved but on the other it makes you uncomfortable b/c you know he knows every area of your heart and mind.
God, I am amazed that you saw my hurt and listened. I'm not sure what you have in store for me now, but my arms are open to it. I am so grateful that I am not alone....that I don't have to figure this life out alone. Life is not easy and it's so confusing. Thank you for giving me joy and peace in the midst of my confusion. Thank you for caring about my daily struggles.

why should I feel discouraged
and why should the shadows come
why should my heart feel lonely
and long for heaven and home

when Jesus is my portion
a constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches over me
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches over me

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches me
He watches me
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches
I know He watches,
I know He watches me.

daily attitude

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

The things I feel terrified of:
Someone close to me dying.
Car accident
Things I feel discouraged about:
Money
my lack of energy

I need to remember that God is with me and that I do not have to feel terrified or discouraged. He will work it out. He will help me cope, work through or change the circumstances. Yesterday, the rabbi at the funeral said some things that pierced me. I've heard them before, even from the man sitting behind me(Bud my pastor) but yesterday I felt convicted of my selfishness......of wanting God to follow MY life instead of me following after HIS. Now, I believe he has given me responsibilities in my children and in my husband. I think these two things are a given, but in my attitude about my day is where I am selfish. I have the control to change my attitude towards it, especially in how I spend my time and thought patterns. When I am driving somewhere, instead of worrying about getting there, I should be looking around me and asking God to show me His will for the day. Instead of worrying about getting the food on the table and trying to just get it done, I should be opening my heart up to my son while I'm preparing it. My attitude isn't overly bad but it isn't overly good either.
God be with me. Please be with me when I am waking in the morning unrested, nursing my baby, changing diapers, wiping the stickiness off the table, playing cars with my son, nursing, walking to the park, talking to the people I meet there, preparing lunch, nursing, washing dishes, playing puzzles, cleaning up toys, preparing for nap time, emailing, cooking dinner, nursing, cleaning up toys, greeting my husband, washing dishes, preparing my sons for bed, nursing and then finally spending time with my husband, nursing and then when I lay my head on the pillow. Please help my daily chores not be a competition for attention with Wyatt, but help me blend him into the work so that he feels loved and needed. Give me the wisdom to teach him your ways and please, please make me an example of how to live your ways......daily.

So, I just have to say that in the middle of writing this, I have nursed, changed 2 diapers and saved my baby from Wyatt's torture. I hear Wyatt laughing loudly in the living room while I am changing out of my pj's. "I wonder what is so funny?" I say to myself. I peek around the corner and see Zane with a big metal pot on his head. It is covering his head and half his torso. All you can see are legs kickng and Wyatt sitting beside the kicking legs, laughing. Zane is absolutely quiet. I don't know if that is out of fear or because he likes having a cold, metal pot on his head. "Wyatt, you are in trouble!"

A perfect Week

I miss you already Tricia. Wyatt doesn't understand where you went.

Can you believe it? A group of women in my church got together and gave myself and Melissa a spa day!!!! They gave us pedicures, massages, fixed our hair and prayed over us. I have never felt so blessed in my life! First my husband flies my best friend in from Chicago and then my friends give me a spa day and then I had a $10 bill fly through the air yesterday and land at my feet! Thank you God! At church I had one of the women come up to me, give me a hug and then told me to look up Isaiah 35:1. She felt God wanted me to read it. Here it is:
The desert and the parched land will be glad;
the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.

Thank you God. I want to be glad and I want to rejoice and blossom! I caught myself singing loud and crazy songs with Wyatt today.......I can't remember the last time I did that........

Schindler's List

Tyne, I used a plain old pencil for the type....my hand killed about mid-way through! Jon and I have been watching a lot of heavy movies over the last few years. (Hotel Ruwanda, Born into Brothels, Blood Diamond) The latest was Schindler's List. Oh I could hardly handle it!! Especially horrific was a scene where a group of little Jewish children are called out of the concentration camp by guards singing. The little ones come running out all happy, singing, not knowing what is about to happen to them. I lost it at that point. I think it was 11:30 pm and we turned it off, and I went to Wyatt's room, picked him up out of his crib and just held him, rocked and cried. He slept through all of it, of course. In my head, I could see him running out of that shack on his chubby legs, smiling and lured by the happy music. *Gee*, I am crying again as I write this! Such a terrible, terrible thing. I remember praying, "God how could you watch that?" How can God watch genocides and not strike out?..............This painting, Redemption, carried some of that emotion for me. As I was painting Jesus' face, I had the realization that God himself came down as man (Jesus), and put the punishment for that horrific act on himself. How could he love us that much?....he would take his wrath out on himself rather than us. Deep and confusing and I am sure I don't really understand......usually the sort of thing I ignore in my American consumerist, bubble-like way.

I think it's fun to see progressions of things! Everything is taking longer than I anticipated. The upper left will be very bright with mountains, flowers and a rainbow.......maybe that will happen tonight!

misty Christmas

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I'm posting this from Oma and Opa's (my parents) log house here in the Piney Woods. Sorry I left on such a bad note. I've been on sleep inducing medication ever since and haven't been able to think very clearly. I had an allergic reaction to Tide detergent that almost stole my Christmas. My face became inflamed, my eyes almost swelled shut....finally went to the doctor on the 26th and had a steroid shot......much better but still feeling pretty yucky and just plain old ugly. Have any of you experienced being just disgustingly ugly? I haven't since I was 16 and caught chickenpox on our family vacation to California. I remember people would look at me, grimace and look away (most of the pox were on my face and scalp). I had never experienced this before and I think it has always given me a special soft spot in my heart for others who have some dabilitating look about them that cause people to shy away from them, withholding their affections and just human companionship. This Christmas reminded me of that time back when I was 16. I was sitting with my family, feeling lonely amongst all the gift chaos b/c I couldn't see (my glasses hurt to wear) and was too drowsy to comprehend half of what people were saying. (Benedryl) But, God showed me an awesome truth in that pain and lonliness. He was born as lowly as he could possibly be.....stinky cave/barn, laid in a feeding trough meant for animals not a sweet, tender newborn. Not born royalty but a common man to common parents. Jesus then went on to have a ministry to the ugliest, foulest, commonist people. The ones we shun, the ones we think we are above and better than. Somehow, these thoughts comforted me as I flowed through and misted in and out of Christmas activities. It made me feel less lonely. God loves me no matter what, even in my swollen, ugliness.....and I should love those around me the same.......it's not about having trendy clothes, or the best haircut, the coolest car, perfect marriage, being a part of the "Christian Culture". You can be the stinkiest, drunkest, down and out person there is, living in the desert, not wanting to have anything to do with God and he still says to you, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16 That message is for everyone....everyone. God loved the WORLD not just the beautiful perfect people. I'm still on drowsy meds, but I wanted to put down some of my thoughts here, so I don't lose them. Merry Christmas from a drowsy, but joyful mama in Texas.

Does God sing?

I love the verse for today.
“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

God will quiet me with his love and rejoice over me with singing.

I never thought about God singing. Does God sing? I guess so. Could you imagine God singing over you.......just like a mother soothing her baby.
This verse is so comforting and very personal. Thank you God for not being distant and aloof. Are you having a hard day.....a hard year? Read this verse and open up your mind and heart to the God who made you and adores you. Anything is possible with Him!

Oprah asks a good question about Jesus

If you have been watching Oprah Winfrey lately, then you have probably heard her talk about her views on religion. She says she believes there are many paths to heaven. She also asks a very good question that I think most people wrestle with. I am not quoting here, but she basically asks what happens to those people in very remote regions of the earth who have never even heard of Jesus? How can Jesus be the only way then? Good question Oprah! If you would like to hear the episode I am referring too, then you can find it here.

This question bothered me and I didn't want to run from it or ignore it. I found one answer to this question on a website called Christian answers. I thought it was pretty good, so I included it here. I have lots of stories and pictures from the last week coming soon!

What about those who have never heard the gospel?

The traditional Christian position on this subject is that no one can or ever will be saved apart from Christ. Jesus Himself once made the following categorical statement: "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through Me." (John 14:6) Yet in the case of a native tribesman living deep in some remote African jungle who has never heard of Jesus Christ, what will God do--if He is, in fact, a just God?

Many theologians teach that "God will give eternal life to anyone who responds to His general revelation in nature and in conscience... [however this] doesn't mean that a person can be saved apart from Christ. It would be that the blood of Christ or the sacrifice of Christ was applied to that person even though he did not have any conscious knowledge of Christ." (as quoted from William Lane Craig in a debate held at Willow Creek Community Church, June 27, 1993). Romans chapters 1 and 2, referring to the general revelation of God in His creation, is often cited for this response. But this position can only be inferred--it is not explicitly stated anywhere in Scripture.

What actually happens to those who have not heard the gospel of Christ depends upon several factors.

1. It depends first of all (but not finally) on how they have responded to God's general revelation. In the case of those who have neglected or rejected such general revelation (no doubt the case with the vast majority of those who have never heard of Christ), they're lost, condemned for all eternity to a real hell. But note--they are not condemned for what they haven't heard. They are judged for what they have heard and rejected. In this sense, as R.C. Sproul rightly states, "there are no innocent people in the world."

2. In the case, however, of the one who has never heard of Christ, yet sincerely worships God as he knows Him, and lives consistently with moral law as he understands it, we do have some grounds (Acts 10 et al) to believe that God may be pleased to grant a further special revelation involving the Gospel of Christ Himself, which one would then, in turn, either accept or reject. Exactly how or when would God arrange for such a further revelation? Might I Peter 3:18-20 or 4:6 somehow correlate with Romans 2:16 here? The Scripture allows many such details to remain hidden, while being unequivocal about the fact that God will judge with perfect justice (Psalm 98:9). (Could this be what is happening on a widespread basis in the Muslim world today?)

Does all this detail somehow seem trivial to you? Be certain that it is not! In fact, this subject in all of its related subtlety is absolutely critical. Among other things, for instance, correct Biblical exegesis on this subject provides an unequaled incentive for the continued Christian mission of proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the ends of the earth. As Romans 10:14 says,

"How then shall they call upon Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?"

My heart

Good morning! It's 12:03 am and Wyatt has woken me up, so I decided to listen to the Candi Pearson Shelton song again. I found it on YouTube the other day and it has really stuck with me. Apparently she wrote it for her family while her brother was struggling with Leukemia. He has since passed away and she sings it in his memory. Here's an interview if your interested.
http://christian-music-interviews.suite101.com/article.cfm/candi_pearsonshelton_interview
This song is just amazing! It makes me want to cheer and dance and sing! God help me to make the rough places smooth and to love the people around me the way you do....even to the death. Please give me courage, perseverance and JOY! Help me to, "strengthen the feeble hands and steady the knees that give way and to say to those with fearful hearts....be strong, your God is coming!"(Isaiah 35)
Here's the song again!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=oJGba-3Xcm4&feature=related
You may ask, "Why does Leigh talk about religion so much?" and I would say, "Religion? All I know is that I gave God a sad and depressed heart and He gave it back to me whole and clean and full. I didn't deserve it....I really didn't deserve it, but he did it anyway. It's not complicated or religious. I know that no matter where I live, what I do for a living, or who is around me I can be happy. I can be poor in monetary terms but I will never be poor in spirit. Because you see, I am loved for me and not what I do or accomplish. I have felt that first hand and it is awesome. You are loved for who you are...your soul, that part inside you that makes you you. No matter what you do with your life that will never change. Jesus is just way cooler than a man with a beard and a white robe. He is alive and waiting for you to turn to him so he can show his love for you forever! Ok, so if this didn't make any sense, please remember my lack of sleep from my sick baby.....who hopefully will be feeling better tomorrow.

In a Dry and Weary Land

O God You are my God
Earnestly I seek You
My body longs for You
My soul thirsts for You
In a dry and weary land
Where there is no stream
You extend Your gracious hand
And give life to me

I've seen You in Your temple
And beheld Your glory
Because Your love is better
Than all around me
I will praise You all my days
As long as I can sing
In Your name I lift my hands
To worship Thee

My soul will be satisfied
With abundant riches
I think of You in the night
How I need Your mercy
Because You are my help
I will pray and sing
Resting daily in the shadow of Your wing

O God You are my God
Earnestly I seek You
-Take a moment and watch this video I found(it starts out a bit rough but then gets really good!)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=oJGba-3Xcm4&feature=related

Trash Gripe

I was driving down my parent's road yesterday, Joy-WrightMountain, and someone had once again dumped their trash on the side of the road! I love living in beautiful east texas with it's pine trees, lakes (especially Caddo) pastures, windy roads and friendly people. What I don't like is when people think the side of the road or the woods is their own personal dumping ground! I can do without a sagging, rotting couch and refrigerator in the creek beside our woods (I am not exaggerating, someone has set up a living room in the great out of doors). Anyway, if you ever talk to me, you will know I am more into saving the babies and not the whales, but it still irkes me. I really enjoy the lovely creation God has given us and for my part I would like to take care of it in my corner of the world. So, Jon and I have been trying to do what we can do right here in east texas. Jon asked the guys he works with to give him their plastics and paper to recycle instead of just dumping it in the garbage. They laughed at him and thought he was crazy but it's one less soda bottle on the garbage hill. For lack of money, I have started really, really trying to use the things we have at home rather than spending money. It's been interesting. I joined FreeCycle. It's like Ebay but everything is free and you just go pick it up and I've started going to garage sales and Good Wills for fabric. I take old clothes and recycle it into beautiful hair flowers and stuffed critters. Ok, so I'll stop now, but it was just really bugging me. Here are a few good websites for recycling ideas!

http://www.freecycle.org/
http://www.kid-at-art.com/
http://www.ci.longview.tx.us/services/sanitation_and_recycling.html
Just call this number and there is a recording that tells you what days they pick up recycling in your Longview neighborhood. They also provide you with the plastic container.
Recycling - 903-237-1250

hospital blues

My grandpa has been in the hospital all week. He had an infection in his urinary tract, which has made him delirious. At one point we thought he'd had a stroke, but he hadn't, although he couldn't talk, walk or respond. He was so sick he didn't even know who his wife of 63 yrs was. Yesterday he started getting better. Praise God!
I think I observed some of the most touching moments of my life watching by his bedside.
My grandpa would be moaning and moving restlessly, with his sheets all twisted around him and Grandma would rub his shoulders and head until he calmed down. She did this countless times. He would look at her blankly and she would hold his cheeks in her hands and say, "I love you Dan. I love you, do you hear!?" He couldn't respond but I know he heard. She stayed up at the hospital every night and slept beside him, not caring for her own comfort. I am so thankful that I have gotten to see this wonderful picture of marriage. I love my grandparents so much!

Sunday School and Gracie Bunny (made from Tyne's discarded tanktop)

Ok, so this is my first time blogging! Blogging is such a weird word. It gives me the picture of someone trudging through mud and muck.

My sister-in-law, Tyne designed my blog for me. She did a truly fabulous job! Thanks Tyne!

Today was a really good day. "Sunday School" :o) was awesome this morning. Hearing again about how simple the gospel of Jesus Christ is and how you don't have to understand everything or be correct in all your doctrine to accept Christ as your savior....God is ready to love and accept if we just believe in his Son.
Those of you who have talked to me recently know how crazy I've gotten about sewing and creating fabric art. My mom told me yesterday that she had a sewing machine to give me and I am so excited. I've been making everything by hand....flowers, bunnies, robots, bags. Soon I want to try my hand at an owl. There are entirely too many cute toys for girls and not so many for boys...at least not overly interesting ones! I've been trying to analyze why I'm so into making things all of a sudden and I'm not sure. My head is so crazy with ideas, some nights I can't sleep for excitement! The only time I really have to work on stuff is during Wyatt's naps, so it's kind of slow going. I'm a little nervous about using a machine, but if I can learn, it sure will speed up the process! Jon started a Flickr site for me. Check it out to see some of my strange makings. It's to the upper right under my favorite sites.