“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
The things I feel terrified of:
Someone close to me dying.
Things I feel discouraged about:
my lack of energy
I need to remember that God is with me and that I do not have to feel terrified or discouraged. He will work it out. He will help me cope, work through or change the circumstances. Yesterday, the rabbi at the funeral said some things that pierced me. I've heard them before, even from the man sitting behind me(Bud my pastor) but yesterday I felt convicted of my selfishness......of wanting God to follow MY life instead of me following after HIS. Now, I believe he has given me responsibilities in my children and in my husband. I think these two things are a given, but in my attitude about my day is where I am selfish. I have the control to change my attitude towards it, especially in how I spend my time and thought patterns. When I am driving somewhere, instead of worrying about getting there, I should be looking around me and asking God to show me His will for the day. Instead of worrying about getting the food on the table and trying to just get it done, I should be opening my heart up to my son while I'm preparing it. My attitude isn't overly bad but it isn't overly good either.
God be with me. Please be with me when I am waking in the morning unrested, nursing my baby, changing diapers, wiping the stickiness off the table, playing cars with my son, nursing, walking to the park, talking to the people I meet there, preparing lunch, nursing, washing dishes, playing puzzles, cleaning up toys, preparing for nap time, emailing, cooking dinner, nursing, cleaning up toys, greeting my husband, washing dishes, preparing my sons for bed, nursing and then finally with my husband, nursing and then when I lay my head on the pillow. Please help my daily chores not be a competition for attention with Wyatt, but help me blend him into the work so that he feels loved and needed. Give me the wisdom to teach him your ways and please, please make me an example of how to live your ways......daily.
So, I just have to say that in the middle of writing this, I have nursed, changed 2 diapers and saved my baby from Wyatt's torture. I hear Wyatt laughing loudly in the living room while I am changing out of my pj's. "I wonder what is so funny?" I say to myself. I peek around the corner and see Zane with a big metal pot on his head. It is covering his head and half his torso. All you can see are legs kickng and Wyatt sitting beside the kicking legs, laughing. Zane is absolutely quiet. I don't know if that is out of fear or because he likes having a cold, metal pot on his head. "Wyatt, you are in trouble!"