Sunday, March 21, 2010

His eye is on the sparrow

So have you ever had someone say something to you that really hurt and stayed with you for years? Something you just couldn't get rid a thorn or a bruised spot that every once in a while you pushed on to see if it was still sore? I was still living in Chicago at the time and I had a friend say something hurtful through email 3yrs and 10 months ago. Yep, I know the exact time.....and it still bothers me. He said I wasn't a Christian and even went so far as to call me a "daughter of Satan". I won't go into too many details except to say that we stopped emailing. My husband even asked me to stop b/c it upset me so much. It didn't seem like anything I said mattered anyway. He had his agenda and would not be deterred. Of course he hadn't seen me in years and he had no way of knowing what was in my heart. I prayed and prayed about and it didn't seem like the hurt or anger towards him would go away. I mean, how dare he! It felt like God just didn't hear me on this matter. In fact, if I admitted to it, I felt mad at God too about the whole thing. That sounds silly but it's true. I've had two babies and moved twice since then, but it still bothers me.

The last few months or so my next door neighbor and I have been walking partners. She's really a neat lady and I always enjoy talking with her. We were talking about her old job one day and through the course of the conversation I find out she knows my friend that I am talking about in the above paragraph. Not only does she know him but her best friend of many years is his wife. Oh my goodness!! I moved next door to their best friend! She looked at me strangely like somehow I set this whole thing up. Nooo! Oh no. Suffice it to say, that this has got to be a God thing. I mean, it's too weird. I laid in bed that night and couldn't sleep for thinking about it. God heard me! God knows how that hurt and he didn't just ignore it. I thought I would never have contact again with my old friend and that I would just have to get over it.......but I guess it isn't over. Out of all the places in town, we would move here.......circumstance? I don't think so. It feels so strange when things like this happen b/c you realize that God sees you. Then you look at other things in your life and realize he sees those too.....and on one hand it holds you in awe and makes you feel loved but on the other it makes you uncomfortable b/c you know he knows every area of your heart and mind.
God, I am amazed that you saw my hurt and listened. I'm not sure what you have in store for me now, but my arms are open to it. I am so grateful that I am not alone....that I don't have to figure this life out alone. Life is not easy and it's so confusing. Thank you for giving me joy and peace in the midst of my confusion. Thank you for caring about my daily struggles.

why should I feel discouraged
and why should the shadows come
why should my heart feel lonely
and long for heaven and home

when Jesus is my portion

a constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches over me
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches over me

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches me
He watches me
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches
I know He watches,
I know He watches me.

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